The Thoughts that are not Mine

Sonder is the profound, often sudden realization that every passerby is living a life as vivid,
complex, and full of its own routines, worries, and small triumphs as mine. At first, it feels
like a simple thought, almost obvious, but the more I sit with it, the harder it becomes to truly
understand. The idea that every single person, whether old or young, carries a story within
them is so vast that my mind almost refuses to fully process it.

Part of the reason for this is simply human nature, just the way the our mind is conditioned.
Constantly drawn back into my own thoughts, my own problems, my own worries. It is not
that I do not care about others, but my mind seems to be wired to focus on what I am going
through. My problems-so big, bigger then my sense of self and so overwhelming, that they
seem to take up all the space in my head. Because of which, it becomes difficult to imagine
that others might be feeling the same way, that their thoughts too can feel larger than
themselves.

Sometimes it feels like I am drowning in my own mind, too caught up to truly think about
anyone else. What if the thoughts that consume me are not entirely my own? What if they are
shaped by others, by what I think people see in me, expect from me, or assume about me?
Am I really thinking about myself, or if I am constantly thinking about how I appear to
others, the thought seems to lingers with me. I couldn’t help but wonder: Is sonder about
understanding others, or is it actually about being aware that others are constantly, in some
way, understanding me?

Growing up, I have always felt this quiet pressure to be perfect. To do everything right, to
meet the expectations of my parents, my teachers, my relatives and myself. Even the smallest
mistake leading to the unavoidable fate of criticism. My thoughts are never just my own.
They are shaped by what others expect from me, by the feeling that someone else is always
watching, always waiting for something more, or even just a slip up. I find myself wanting
things not just for me, but for the people that are living my life with me.

Even in the smallest moments, this feeling does not leave me. Sometimes I just sit and look
out of a window, watching cars and bikes pass by. It should feel ordinary, but it never really
does. I cannot help but think about those people inside the vehicles. Each one of them having
their own lives, their own worries, their own dreams, aspirations and secrets. All going
somewhere, carrying something I will never fully know. And yet, their lives are just as real
and important as mine.

People-watching, in moments like these, feels different. It feels like I am trying to understand
something much bigger than myself, even though I know I never fully will. Looking at others
and imagining their lives,I realize I too am also part of someone else’s world. I exist in their

routines, in their memories, in ways I may never realize. I am, in my own way, someone
else’s sonder too.
Life is not meant to be lived alone. We depend on people too. We need others for comfort,
for understanding, for a sense of belonging. Sonder is not just about realizing that others have
deep and complex lives. It is also about understanding that we are all connected, that our lives
are woven and interlinked into each other in ways we often overlook.

The thought being more surreal than real. Every person I see carries their own thoughts, their
own struggles, their own purpose. And it is these differences that make each of us who we
are. No one can be me, and I can never be anyone else.
And maybe that is where this thought finally settles. Not in confusion, but in a kind of quiet
acceptance. That even in a world filled with countless lives and endless stories, I am still
myself and that “You are your own self.”

Submitted by Arsh Chettri, I am an 18 year old student pursuing B.tech Medical
Biotechnology from DY Patil University, Pune. My hobbies include reading and writing. So
far none of my works have been officially published, but I was the chief editor and founder
my magazine editorial club in my school. I like to write creative non fiction philosophical
essays about the mundane thoughts and feelings, where I am experiencing life as a journey. I
also like to write about issues pertaining to women and the LGBTQIA community.