A Phoenix’s Testimony

I used to think that being broken was the end. I was terrified of being broken and I fought so hard against it for quite some years. back then I truly believe it was something I wouldn’t come back from.   

the very first time I remember it’s not something you feel happen right away. it’s something that happens so gradually that one day you just look around and realize it happened but you can’t quite pinpoint when… at least from my personal experience. it creeped up slowly. and once realized felt like an admission of guilt for the shame of it. but then enough time passes and what was broken always heals but you are a different person. some things you once loved about yourself you have to say goodbye to. so now what to do with the new person that you now become? I’ve been broken more times than I can count… but I heal. I give myself space to heal and just try to still be someone I can be proud of. I don’t spend too much time looking back. 

you can heal if you let yourself. sure you could just bend.. bend some more, bend until you lose yourself in the distortion; until you are unrecognizable to yourself. no, instead when it’s time to break; allow for it then let your healing commence. and just try to heal in the direction you want yourself to heal then because when the healing is done, you crystallize into the new you. 

healing is very much like an incubator, a cocoon, or it could even be a coffin if you’re not careful. Healing is more painful than the being broken. not all make it through to the other side intact, some not at all. I’ve come close to being in the “not at all” category several times.  

if anyone could learn anything from my life, 

I hope it’s that being broken is not the end. and you have a choice… 

cocoon or coffin